I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
