I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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