Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
