I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
