this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
