Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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