cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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