I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
