for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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