So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
