I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
