God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm both gender and math confused
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
