this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
