How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
