I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
