Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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