did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
