You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
