stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
