I'm pants shitting drunk right now
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
