The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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