sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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