it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
