i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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