god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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