I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
