it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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