Do vagina's smell?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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