It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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