LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
