No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
