apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
