I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
