the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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