I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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