The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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