chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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