so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
