what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
