In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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