I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
