Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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