i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
