So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
