He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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