so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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