We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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