I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
