I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
