So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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