Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
