I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
