Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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