The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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