Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
