Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
