The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
