is your mom at the bar?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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