Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think my tv is drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
