sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
